Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved