A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
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This is the high leading the old right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..