you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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