i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
