Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?