We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.