Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
