I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
