Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
