So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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