sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
