I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
