I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
