Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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