get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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