Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
