You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
