I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
