I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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