either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mom said you looked used
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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