You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
