She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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