i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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