I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
