YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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