the condom got lost in my hair
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
