Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
