dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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