If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
