So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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