Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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