shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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