I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
