I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
