Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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