I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
