If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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