he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
