Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
