yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize