Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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