best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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