yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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