Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
