If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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