am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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