Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
