it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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