You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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