Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
