He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
