Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
