I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
