ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
