This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
