trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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