how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
