Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
