Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We left the knife in your bed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
