actually, I'm a sock model
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Holy shit dude........stairs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
