I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
