I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
