If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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