I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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