Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
