i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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