God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
