This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
