Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
