Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
