I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So vagazzling was a success
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