just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
