you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
