Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize