2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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