Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
