I accidentally had phone sex last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
