I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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