Will you blow on my dice?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
