I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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