I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
