I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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