we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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